Some people are fans of the Las Vegas Raiders. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Las Vegas Raiders. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.
Your team: Las Vegas Raiders.
Who needs the silver part, really?
Your 2025 record: 3-14. Every time the Raiders welcome in a new leadership administration, they give off signals that they’re finally ready to operate like a normal NFL franchise. And then they don’t. They SO don’t. They just end up the same brand of weird and shitty every time.
The 2025 Raiders might have been the most normal-coded effort of the bunch. They coaxed Super Bowl champion head coach Pete Carroll out of his emeritus chair with the Seahawks to man the sidelines, then they traded for Carroll’s QB Geno Smith just to make everyone feel even more comfortable. They also poached OC Chip Kelly away from Ryan Day’s Coaching Rehabilitation School at Ohio State after the formerly disgraced Eagles/Niners pee-pee tester helped the Buckeyes win a national title. Then they drafted Boise State stud RB Ashton Jeanty in the first round of the draft. All of it reeked of legitimacy. And when the Raiders beat the eventual AFC champion Patriots—on the road!—to open the season, it was enough to make (naive) people think, “Hey, ol’ Gumtooth Pete might just turn this thing around!”
WRONG, FUCKO.
Nope, turns out that win in Foxboro would be the only highlight in a season that was, in Davis family tradition, a conspicuous embarrassment from wire to wire. The Raiders gave up 174 yards on the ground in the first half to the Commanders, in a game that Washington QB Jayden Daniels wasn’t even active for. They had a chance to beat Chicago at the gun, only to have their potential game-winning field goal blocked. They had a chance to beat Jacksonville at the end of OT, only to have their two-point conversion attempt also get batted down. They served as the prime whipping boy in the Great Daniel Jones Comeback Of Half Of ’25, losing to Indy by a pathetic score of 40-6. They racked up 95 yards of offense on just 30 plays in a shutout loss to KC, held Denver to 10 points and still lost, and gifted Browns idiot Shedeur Sanders his first win as a starting NFL quarterback. Pete, man, what the fuck?
“I’ve never not thought it would take [this much] work to get it right,” said Carroll, who has a losing season for only the fifth time in his NFL head coaching career. “I thought, ‘Well, maybe I could have something to do with avoiding this.'”
You know you took a job with the Raiders, right? Did you really think getting one of the most wrong organizations on Earth right would take five fucking minutes? Boy I guess you’ll believe anything, won’t you?
Not only did Pete Carroll not have something to do with avoiding not getting it right, but the old man himself was a major contributor to the team’s annual bonanza of off-field disgraces. This blow-by-blow of Carroll’s boobery is so juicy, I sometimes reread it just for kicks. Jeanty’s rookie season was an unmitigated disaster because Carroll had hired his son Brennan—seen here, just before the mayor of Widow’s Bay ferried him out to sea to break the island’s curse—to oversee the offensive line. Lil’ Carroll did no such thing. In fact, he was such a shitty O-line coach that Jeanty and the linemen had to meet on their own just to get their blocking schemes down correctly. Oh, and it gets better:
There were times when the [o-line] didn’t know who was starting until the Saturday before a game because the coaching staff wanted to see how the competition played out during the week and whether a player would be available due to injury.
My man was playing 3D Candy Land against opposing coaching staffs the whole time. DIABOLICAL.
You might be saying, “Shouldn’t the offensive coordinator have been there to remedy all of this nonsense?” That’s where it gets even funnier, amigo. Here’s a separate blow-by-blow account, centering around Chip Kelly’s incompetence, from NFL Network’s Ian Rapoport, who wasn’t even hired by the league to write actual journalism!
Sources said coaches were excited about the possibilities of Kelly’s gun-based offense, only to run basically none of it this season.
That was barely the half of it. Tom Pelissero, another one of the league’s designated scoopsters until ESPN unceremoniously sent him packing this week, also reported that Kelly would get his own play calls wrong. Or Kelly would call plays that hadn’t even been in that week’s install. As of this blog’s publishing, I’m still not entirely certain that Chip Kelly and Pete Carroll have even met before.
Regardless, Carroll fired Kelly in mid-November. It didn’t matter. The losing continued in earnest. Smith had his worst season as an established starter in over a decade. Meanwhile, his replacement in Seattle, Sam Darnold—a man whom, prior to last season, Raiders Double Secret President Tom Brady explicitly rejected as a potential free-agent addition—would go on to win the Super Bowl. Carroll ended up one-and-done, and the Quest For Normalcy went on. Let’s see what form it’ll take this time around.
Your coach: What number Kubiak are we on now? Eight? Anyway, after the horrors of 2025, Raiders owner Mark Davis asked himself two questions. One: Nepobabies clearly hurt us last season, but what if we tried a different nepobaby this time? Two: Importing coaching brainpower from Seattle also hurt us last season, but what if we tried a different Seattle coach this time? BINGO BANGO, here’s former Seahawks OC Klint Kubiak to make everything in Vegas appear on the up and up.
Prior to winning a title with the Seahawks last season, Kubiak served as the OC in Minnesota, where he lasted one season on the job. Then he moved to Denver, where he lasted one season on the job. Then to San Francisco, where he—you guessed it—lasted one season on the job. Then to New Orleans, where he lasted one season on the job. This hire is what will finally get me to create a Kalshi account.
To help familiarize himself with his head coaching duties, Kubiak hired former Chargers head coach Mike McCoy as his second-in-command. Here’s an official team photo of McCoy, in which he appears ready to kill you.
Your new O-line coach is Rick Dennison, the guy that Minnesota fired after he refused to get a COVID vaccine during the pandemic. When Mike Zimmer is a paragon of liberal thinking by comparison to you, that’s no bueno. At least Brennan Carroll was merely stupid. This new guy is actively evil. Let’s see who he’s been tasked with protecting!
Your quarterback: It’s the two-eared cornstalk of Kirk Cousins and No. 1 overall pick Fernando Mendoza. Awesome. Fantastic. Just what everyone in Vegas fucking needed: a pair of underskilled goody-goodies who will stalk the MGM Grand lobby every morning to invite hungover gamblers to attend worship services with them. Cousins is a washed-up headcase enjoying One Last Contract. Meanwhile, Mendoza was the No. 1 overall pick in April almost entirely by default. If you’re impressed that this guy won a national title a year ago, I got a J.J. McCarthy to sell you. Mendoza took way too many sacks in college, had a negative play rate that closely aligned with the likes of Shedeur Sanders, and is mere months away from pissing away all of his doofy charm by expressing his first Butker-esque opinion about something. I will accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior before I accept this latter-day Dan McGwire as the solution to all of the Raiders’ problems.
Aidan O’Connell is also still here.
What’s new that sucks: The Raiders spent lavishly to open free agency, first by acquiring former Ravens Pro Bowl C Tyler Linderbaum and Vikings deep threat Jalen Nailor to above-market deals. Those were good signings … until you realize that GM John Spytek, who is still there, did basically nothing else to remedy the offense. Linderbaum is flanked by remnants of the worst offensive line in the universe last season. Nailor, frequently injured early in his career until becoming a reliable WR3 with the Vikings, will essentially serve as WR1 by default. What does this tell us, friends? Well, it tells us that TE Brock Bowers, who ended last season on IR, will get 200 targets because there won’t be anyone else to throw to. It also tells us that Jeanty, perhaps along with rookie speed back Mike Washington Jr., will now have one good lineman to run behind instead of zero. Korden Kubiak can Shanahan up this offense with all sorts of nifty outside zone runs and play action, but it’s still barren of talent and will have Kirk fucking Cousins at the wheel. Pain.
This is what happens when you suck at the draft. Thankfully, the Raiders will have a bounty of draft capital to play with in the coming years after they traded edge rusher Maxx Crosby to Baltimore for two fir—
[RAVENS GM ERIC DECOSTA HEARS CROSBY SNIFFLE DURING HIS PHYSICAL]
Oopity daddy! Crosby is still here! Well, look, he’s still one of the most effective pass rushers in the league, and he seems not only like the model of sobriety, but also a fairly good gu—
Why did I expect anything different? The Ravens’ takesies-backsies on the Crosby trade was almost certainly about more than just the defender’s lingering knee injury, but the injury was real. A torn meniscus is an injury where you think, “Well, he didn’t tear his ACL, so it can’t be that bad,” and then it’s just as bad. Crosby had surgery on that knee in January, and openly despises playing for this organization. He’s also still, by far, the best defender on the roster. Vegas added a few name-brand free agents to that unit—LB Nakobe Dean (always hurt), LB Quay Walker (good for at least two braindead penalties per game), DE Kwity Paye (average) and NB Taron Johnson (small)—but are you spooked by this defense? Do you think Patrick Mahomes and Justin Herbert are? Fuck right off.
The Raiders also drafted first-round talent CB Jermod McCoy in the fourth round this spring, after every other team saw that guy’s medical chart and winced.
What has always sucked: These two.
Whenever Mark Davis and Tom Brady are photographed next to each other, it looks like some uncanny Dubai version of Laurel and Hardy. Guess who Tom Terrific let into the building with him?
Like many players and coaches, Crosby was frustrated by the presence of Alex Guerrero, a staunch Brady ally whose official title is wellness coordinator. Guerrero, who regularly attends practices and meetings, purports to possess significant organizational power, informing players of impending transactions and even indicating to staff members who don’t follow his instructions that their jobs may be at risk.
Imagine having your livelihood threatened by Vitamin B12 Smithers here. This franchise has no dignity and never will. If you’re a Raiders fan (why), your best hope is for Davis to sell the team. Lord knows he’s given off orange chicken-scented fumes that he’d like to divest. After all, the Seahawks just got moved at a record price, which almost certainly piqued his interest. The problem is that in order for Mark Davis to sell the Raiders, he has to be ABLE to sell the Raiders. This man already used up all of his intellectual capacity getting one over on Sheldon Adelson in the move to Sin City. He now has no more intellect left to give. Even if he tries to sell the team, he’ll just end up setting his hair on fire by accident. This team is fucked.
What might not suck: Brady got better at being a color guy! Anything is possible!
HEAR IT FROM RAIDERS FANS!
Coby:
If you attend five or more Raiders games over the course of your life, there’s a 100 percent chance you won’t get into heaven.
Kyle:
Derek Carr is easily the best QB we’ve had in 20 years.
Tarek:
We are gonna waste Brock Bowers like we wasted Tim Brown’s peak years. I should have just stuck to being a baseball fan back in 1982 and never started watching football.
Chris:
I hope that both Fernando and Kirk get absolutely wrecked in the Jaxson Dartiest way possible. Please leave the pocket and freelance, Fernando. I beg you. After NFL defenses grind your spleen into dust, Kirk can come in and re-shred his Achilles while making some sort of “football move.”
Smokey:
I joined the raiders reddit page and after spending time interacting with the people there I now actively root against them.
Burt:
All I ask from the Raiders is to do things a certain way. The Al Davis way.
I know that sounds very corny and nostalgic. However, Al Davis had an ethos.
- Reach for the fastest WR in the draft, even if they can only run one route.
- Get a QB with a big arm, even if they do purple drank.
- Emphasize genetic freaks along the lines and backs/backers, even if they have no technique.
- Reach for defensive backs willing to turn themselves into human missles, even if they have shaky coverage skills.
- Be a giant pain in the ass for the league, even if it hurts the team.
- Emphasize a vertical passing game, even in a dirt infield, mixed use stadium.
- Intimidate the opponent, even if that means committing lots of penalties.
- Never back down from petty grievances, even if you have to bench a hall-of-fame running back.
That’s it. That’s all I ask. I know there is a certain inanity to that ethos, but it resulted in high highs along with the low lows. I just want some excitement. I had my Super Bowl in 1983. I was five years old. I knew then that all I really cared about was Marcus Allen striding down the field in that incredible silver and black. Outcome of the game be damned, I FELT something.
Nick:
I used to have a favorite football team. When I was born they were the Oakland Raiders, later they were the Los Angeles Raiders, and then the Oakland Raiders again, but now the Las Vegas Raiders.
I used to have a favorite baseball team, too. They used to be the Oakland Athletics. They have been all over, they left for Las Vegas, but now they are nowhere.
Rooting for a business makes me feel like a fucking idiot. Rooting for the Raiders makes me feel like an even bigger fucking idiot.
Daniel:
As an Oakland native, I am gutted that not 1, not 2 but 3 teams decided to pack up and leave. The Raiders in particular left a Black Hole in my heart and they deserve a special place in hell.
***Checks temperature in Las Vegas***
My heart is full again.
Alex:
It was looking good for Raiders fans for the first half of the offseason. The Chiefs went from annual Super Bowl lock to eviscerating their franchise QB’s health, putting him one more ligament tear away from a State Farm jersey. The Broncos were in the unenviable position of having a young QB that’s too good to let go of, but too bad to ever win a title. And the Chargers were back to their perpetual “10-12 wins & a wildcard round shellacking” status. It was bliss! You could hate on the entire division and be right about it! Nothing better as a Raiders fan than the sweet taste of spite.
But then they had to make some moves that the press liked, so now we’re cursed with expectations, or even hope. Miserable. They’ll go 6-11 tops, show just enough improvement to keep the Mendoza hype train running, and be back in the running for the top pick next year.
Conor:
Mark Davis runs the team with all the deft handling of a drunk gorilla that’s just been kicked in the arse. Deaths of legendary Raiders who were still on the team the last time it was good are now more frequent than wins.
Josh:
I took my daughter to her first NFL game when the Raiders were in town against the Commies last season. (Per WYTS rules I will leave WAS fans to bemoan their own team’s stadium experience.) She’s a huge football fan (not a Raider fan so I did something right). She had fun, liked seeing the other Raider fans decked out in various levels of regalia, and could tell within the first five minutes that this team was dogshit.
I wrote in last year to say I just wanted a “normal” season with a steady, experienced coach at the helm. Playoffs weren’t necessary, simple professionalism would suffice. Apparently this was too great an ask.
I was genuinely excited about Pete, the occasional cool Chip Kelly play, and the relaxing hum of mediocrity. NOPE. Just the next chapter of this joke of a franchise.
Pete was confused he couldn’t solve a problem with intense gum chewing, acted like he met Kelly for the first time every week, and wondered why bringing his failson with him didn’t work.
Kelly was scanning college help wanted ads week two.
No one thought to bring in actual offensive lineman after using a high draft pick on a running back.
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