Welcome to the Defector College Football Watch Guide, where Israel Daramola and Ray Ratto will tell you which of the weekend’s college football games are worth giving a crap about.
Ray: In case you missed it, the greatest play since the 109-yard field goal return that won the 2013 Iron Bowl is still resonating around Downmarket College Football America, a moment of pure end-game lunacy between Vanderbilt and North Carolina State that serves to remind us all that the best and maybe only reason to still care about this grand swindle is the way that young folks can pull the radiantly ridiculous out of dull-gray ordinary. In doing so, C.J. Bailey, Miles Capers, and Cayden Daniels combined to remind us that the truest way to save college sports, with or without government intervention, is to ban the adults who can, do, and always will ruin everything. This is the same thing that will save all of youth sports, but nobody has yet figured out how to get the kids to stock the snack bar.
There were, of course, other things to spice up the weekend, like Ole Miss beating LSU, LSU losing to Ole Miss, and Lane Kiffin having to explain them both. A quarter of the teams are still undefeated, not including Western Michigan, and remarkably no coach has been fired yet. Maybe the athletic directors and donors are too busy worrying about making any expensive purchases while Congress dithers over the Make Players Indentured Servants Again Act, or maybe Bruce Feldman’s suggestion that the pool of interim coaches could include Jimbo Fisher and Brian Kelly scares them into paralysis. Or maybe they’re all confused that SEC commissioner Greg Sankey didn’t hold a press conference to complain that the voters aren’t giving Arkansas proper respect for being almost 2-1.
But that’s just the pettiness talking. With Week 4, the number of lower-division schools playing checkbook games against their betters is nearly done, and with it the diminishing likelihood of games like Oregon 84, Portland State 0; Iowa 55, Northern Iowa 0; or Oklahoma State 59, Murray State 0.
Now the card is smaller, the games get more conference showdown-y, and there will be more and clumsier ads that make you think of Ted Cruz and Nick Saban and Pat McAfee and lamenting your choice of streaming packages and viewing habits.
Until all that just brings the entire enterprise down, we’ll always have the Unsafe Safety Game to keep us warm and giggly.
Israel: I cannot emphasize enough that no one should be thinking about hiring Jimbo Fisher.
And now onto the games:
Howard at Rutgers — Friday, 7:00 p.m. ET on BTN
Northwestern at (5) Indiana — Friday, 8:00 p.m. ET on FOX
So far, there is nothing new or surprising about Indiana, mostly because their three wins have come against teams with an aggregate record of 2-7, and by the average score of 48-5. But that’s how titles are won now—by ignoring the non-conference schedule and telling any network executive who objects to put on a repeat of Bobby Flay Deep-Fries Something. Northwestern and Rutgers, the next two teams on the defending champions’ card, would normally seem to be a slightly improved version of the same, but there is always the small possibility that Curt Cignetti could overlook the Wildcats. (There is no chance they would do that with Rutgers, or that it would make any difference if they did.) Northwestern just throttled Colorado in a game that essentially did in the Deion Sanders Experiment in Boulder, but in the new world order of college football, that euphoria lasts a week, maybe two. Under normal circumstances this game would barely warrant a fly-by, but it’s a Friday, the NHL hasn’t started yet, the WNBA playoff schedule hasn’t been firmed up that far ahead, you have presumably already watched Taskmaster, and Ken Jennings humoring the American nerd underbelly has a limited amusement quotient. Might be a good time to see if the Hoosiers are still in arse-kicking mode. — Ray
Clemson at California — Friday, 10:30 p.m. ET on ESPN
Dabo Watch is on in earnest. Though Clemson is putatively the better team here, the Carolina-to-California flight won’t be fun, and Cal is an odd enough out that this could end up being a white-knuckler anyway. The Bears are a slight favorite largely based on those circumstances, but quarterback Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele was given a right going-over in the opener against UCLA, and Clemson will be his first truly stern test since. Well, “truly” might be stretching it a tad. Clemson used to be a power in this game and is no longer, in part because Dabo Swinney wouldn’t change as the times became more overtly mercantile. Boiled to its essence, escaping North Carolina with a win last weekend merely turned down the thermostat in Swinney’s office; losing at Cal will play only slightly less poorly to the audience. — Ray
(1) Texas at (16) Tennessee — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ABC
Ignore the numbers in the parentheses. In the SEC rankings, which is the ESPN rankings, this is 1 vs. 6, which sparks the question, “Is this a first-round playoff game in disguise?” Could be, but the real issue is the fact that is just another early game in Texas’s gantlet of matchups against a series of ranked teams (with the sole exception being Arkansas). This means that whatever weaknesses the Longhorns possess will be revealed more brazenly in weeks to come. None of the team or individual numbers jump out at you for any particular reason, because the early schedules are not terribly comparable—Texas has a ridiculous schedule, as we’ve said, while Tennessee has beaten Furman and Kennesaw State—but if the Vols had their druthers, it would be hotter in Knoxville on Saturday than it was in Nashville on Sunday. We could call this the Holly Rowe revenge game if we were so inclined, but that joke is pretty much played out and wasn’t very funny in the first place. We’ll have to wait for Sark to get snippy with John Fanta before we wade into that behavioral kiddie pool again. — Ray
Colorado at Baylor — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ESPN2
If you thought things got bad for Deion last week, just you wait. Things can and will get worse in a hurry, buster. — Israel
Wake Forest at (16) Louisville — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ESPN
Suddenly Louisville looks like a team ready to make some noise, and Wake Forest … bless their hearts. Louisville should make good on the promise of last weekend and must make sure they don’t play around with their food. — Israel
Virginia Tech at Boston College — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ACC Network
It really should not surprise anyone that James Franklin has seemingly turned around Virginia Tech as quickly as he has. This is his sweet spot of a situation, and something like the Platonic ideal of a James Franklin Job. Rather than coaching at a school where his consistency and quality would never be enough to satiate a population that believed they were more significant than they actually are, he gets to be at a highly respectable also-ran, right in the middling part of a middling conference where no one is ever all that hung up on who or what they’re supposed to be. Virginia Tech appreciates Franklin and his weirdo intensity, which comes out in something as random as demanding a reporter say hello to him, and they are feeding off it. Boston College is in the “fed on” role. — Israel
UCLA (Also Receiving Votes) at Maryland — Saturday, 1:30 p.m. ET on Big Ten Network
Can another graduate of the James Madison football factory put a hurting on another ultra-modest Maryland team? Would you dare bet the other way? Bob Chesney’s resume so far is three failed-to-fail games, but UCLA has been mediocre to poor awhile now, and 3-0 looks exactly like 3-0. Add that the upcoming schedule is relatively friendly: at Oregon, then Wisconsin, Michigan State, and Nevada at home, at Minnesota, and then Illinois. The Bruins could be 7-1 if not 8-0 by the time they head to Ann Arbor to face The Team That Almost Didn’t Beat Western Michigan. That outcome would be worth all the delusional thinking it would invariably create. — Ray
(17) Iowa at (18) Michigan — Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on CBS
Oh, if this isn’t the most classic Big Tenniest–ass football game that we got going on. A rock and a hard-headed quarterback. Two teams that love to play beefball and approach scoring like it’s a cheat-day meal that might give them a tummy ache. I am unwilling to buy into Michigan making a Notre Dame–like run after an inexplicable opening game. Bryce Underwood is the most frustrating quarterback I’ve watched in some time, and kicking Oklahoma’s wishy-washy ass does little to change that for me. — Israel
Oklahoma at (2) Georgia — Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ESPN
Weightlifter-posing-as-quarterback John Mateer has never had more of the football watching community down on him than in this moment. Enter Kirby Smart’s defense, which is like a Brent Venables defense but with money and skill everywhere. I recently watched a clip of Brock Purdy explaining that quarterbacks can really only see about 60 percent of what’s going on in a play, regardless of talent; if I had to guess, I’d say Mateer can probably see a good 12 percent. This is gonna be a rough time in the office, brother, so enjoy those gym reps this week. I expect Georgia to toy around with these guys for three quarters for some reason, before deciding they actually want to win and doing so. — Israel
(4) Ole Miss at (21) Florida — Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ABC
Fun fact: Florida is favored in this game, which feels insane to me. But this also feels like one of those things where Vegas knows more than it is letting on. And I also suspect that they think what I think about Ole Miss, which is that this is secretly a Just OK team that happens to have a dynamic QB. They won a big, important game last weekend, but it was also an emotional and emotionally draining game, and they are probably due to look lackluster this week. With that said, this is a lot of faith in Florida’s new staff, and the idea that they’ve fully turned the corner from being a true horse’s ass-type team. I don’t know if I’m all in on that yet. God also will not forgive me for ever predicting a big Florida win either, so I can’t call it, friends. — Israel
Boise State at Western Michigan — Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ESPN2
Boise State coach Spencer Danielson is such a suckup, calling Western Michigan “an undefeated team, period, end of story,” and then doubling down with “You watch that game, they absolutely beat Michigan at Michigan. And that’s not hype. That is what happened.” Jesus, Spence, give it a rest. Boise is putatively the better side in this one, but if you believe in the power of Kalamazoo, this should be a tortuous afternoon for all involved. If WMU wins, Spence can get a job on Lance Taylor’s 2027 staff. — Ray
HALFTIME:
Vanderbilt at Auburn — Saturday, 4:15 p.m. ET on SEC Network
So what has Vandy got for us now? Topping the Unsafe Safety is going to be a difficult ask, but why else would you watch this? The value here is in evaluating two members of the SEC’s Unranked Six and looking for the sure-to-be-absent Greg Sankey, but you’d better check in fast, because Auburn’s next four games are at Tennessee, at Georgia, home for LSU, and at Ole Miss, a brutal march that usually ends in new coaches and sometimes even a new athletic director. The ‘Dores, though, will always have NC State. — Ray
Auburn in their team meetings this week:
— Israel
Wisconsin at (14) Penn State — Saturday, 5:00 p.m. ET on Peacock
Penn State is 3-0, but its wins are over Marshall, Temple, and The Other Buffalo. The Nittany Lions have scored the equivalent of six touchdowns a game, but their best wide receiver, Koby Howard, is questionable for Saturday with what coach Matt Campbell described as a Grade Two “Dinged Up,” whatever that means. Wisconsin got worked by Notre Dame at Lambeau Field in Week Zero, which put Luke Fickell on the heated chair, so this will go some way to determine whether he can come off the grill or just needs to be turned over because he’s done on one side. This is also a way of saying, “We’re going to need more information before we decide if Penn State is bordering on real.” It will at least be an interesting test to see how quarterback Rocco Becht operates without the considerable help that Howard offers. — Ray
Oklahoma State at West Virginia — Saturday, 7:00 p.m. ET on FS1
The Okie State Cowboys bagged themselves a trophy buck last weekend, and now we get to see how that will carry over against West Virginia. This is sure to be a good ol’ fashioned barn-burner, true yeehaw culture stuff. West Virginia is technically undefeated, but depending on how strongly you feel about Virginia’s outlook this year, this will be their first big test of the year. As for OK State, I’m hoping the cobwebs of leathery red ass Mike Gundy have fully been dusted off, and we can get a look at a whole new version of this team. One that won’t shit and barf and piss all over themselves, maybe. — Israel
Grambling vs. Prairie View A&M — Saturday, 7:00 p.m. ET on ESPN+
A little HBCU check-in! It’s the State Fair Classic at the Cotton Bowl. While Prairie View is currently 1-3, their three losses were against Baylor, Stephen F. Austin, and Tarleton State. Their win was a SWAC win—a SWAC domination, really—against Texas Southern, in which quarterback Tevin Carter went for four TDs and 217 yards on 16-for-22 passing. Grambling hasn’t played any SWAC games yet, but they’re 2-1, with their only loss against TCU; they’ve looked as good in their wins as Prairie View did against Texas Southern. We could be in for a potent offensive evening, which combined with a battle of these two bands could make for a night full of fireworks. — Israel
(23) Texas A&M at (10) LSU — Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET on ABC
Can’t get enough of Kiffin agonistes? Another helping of comeuppance, with a side of barbecue sauce, could be on the way to the table in this one, although the loss to Kentucky last week suggests that A&M is either not a serious player or is merely just about to learn the joy of playing with weekly desperation. Each team coming in off a galling loss seven days ago and looking to get back in gear could make for some delightful entertainment—or, conversely, could serve as proof that they’ve both been overrated. One of them could get right; it’s also possible that they will do more to damage each other than help. Either way, the atmosphere in Baton Rouge is going to be seriously funky. — Ray
(20) Oregon at (12) USC — Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET on NBC
It is reasonable to think that this game will draw better than San Jose State, in part because the weather at game time will not be straight from the Sahara’s armpit. More than that, though, we will learn what to do with both teams. Oregon beating Portland State by 12 touchdowns is not indicative of anything that the Ducks will see or do the rest of the year, while SC won exactly no new fans by struggling to hold off Rutgers. We often wrestle with the concept of “What does last week have to do with this week,” but college football in late September begins to replicate a centrifuge that will throw teams with insufficient gravitas into the Holiday Bowl, and this is a game that will either bury Oregon as full-on pretenders or leave Troy bereft with what awaits it—which is at Penn State, Ohio State, at Indiana in the next five weeks. We sense a bounceback for the Ducks, if only to confound everyone who buried them after the Oklahoma State disaster. — Ray
Appalachian State at NC State — Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET on ESPNU
Can NC State overcome the Vanderbilt hangover enough to take Appy State seriously? Is Appy State better than NC State anyway? If this is a question that eats at your soul, you should zero in, but if you live anywhere other than Boone, Raleigh or the three hours in between, you’ll need more motivation, and Mountaineer quarterback Malachi Singleton might be it. Take a chance. What have you got to lose, other than a few hours with Ducks-Trojans? — Ray
UMass (Why Aren’t They Ranked Yet, You Bastards) at Sacramento State — Saturday, 9:00 p.m. ET on ESPN+
The Minutemen, bless their goofy little hearts, haven’t started 4-0 since 1990, and until we see an upside in Sac State, we’re going to ride this run like a hot craps hand. Let the dilettantes worry about the playoffs in September; we’re going with teams that have finally learned the value of wearing jerseys that don’t feature other people’s footprints in the design, and their freshly active scoreboard makes it all the more worthwhile. UMass is the only undefeated team left in the MAC, which is a fun thing to know but which you should absolutely not say aloud to anyone you care about. Climb on board before the bandwagon snaps its axles under all that weight. — Ray
Minnesota at Washington — Saturday, 11:00 p.m. ET on FOX
It’s pretty funny that this is the late-night game. A little midnight boat rowing … for her pleasure, heyo! Anyway, Washington is going to boa-constrict this team, and slowly squeeze the life out of the Gophers painfully and carefully. It will not be fun for anyone and will feel like it lasts forever. — Israel
YOUR OBERLIN MOMENT
The Citizens Of Yeo scored their first touchdown of the year last week against Wabash, a 21-yard pass—we will refrain from describing it as Tom Brady would, as a “piss missile,” and you’re welcome—from Massimo Vliet to JJ Racz, raising Oberlin’s scoring average to a spiffy three points per game. That is better than Lane College (10 points in four games) or Maine Maritime Academy (zero in two). The announced crowd of 138 was apoplectic with joy, so much so that the 34-7 loss was considered a positive triumph. They now face Washington University of St. Louis at home on Saturday, in what is considered by many to be a grudge match given that the Obies lost to WUSL 24-21 a mere 15 years ago. That is a frankly exhaustive level of research for a game that will almost surely draw nearly 200 people, but also these are not just ordinary people. They are Yeomen, or as they are known by their fan base in Mauritius, “Bann Zom,” which to be honest sounds a fair piece cooler. As does Mauritius, for that matter. — Ray