Dear Abby: I recently hosted a family gathering that included my adult cousin and his wife, who live locally, and my son and daughter-in-law and their son, who traveled from Georgia to Pennsylvania to visit.
Since my son and my family rarely see their relatives, I thought it would be great to get everyone together. At the meeting, my son barely acknowledged our cousins. He and his wife did not participate in the conversation — instead, they took out their phones and generally seemed bored and anxious to leave the company.
My son is a neurosurgeon. His wife is a nurse. They are in their early forties. I felt so embarrassed.
The next day, I sent them a message telling them how upset I was. My message was ignored. I followed up with another message, asking them if they had received the previous message. Again, no response.
I feel embarrassed for my cousins and disappointed in my son and daughter-in-law. I have no outlet for these feelings because they won’t respond to me. I am physically sick of this situation because I have no way to resolve it. Helps! – Best intentions
Dear best: How socially aware are your son and daughter-in-law? Were they on their phones because of a medical issue that arose in their absence? Could it be that they are uncomfortable because you imposed these relatives on them without warning?
I keep looking for excuses that might explain their rudeness to their relatives. But I can’t find anything for them to ignore your messages other than that they simply don’t care. You must be angry. But please, do not turn it inside out, because that is what makes you sick.
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Dear Abby: I am a mature female and have not been in any type of relationship for 25 years. When I realized I needed and wanted a relationship with someone compatible, I went on a dating site and found someone. But I made a mistake because I was insecure.
I wanted more communication, and he is involved in many activities, which I get. I tried to call him twice, but he didn’t answer. I thought he was still communicating with other women on the dating site. I went to his house and told him I moved because I hadn’t heard from him, and he wouldn’t return my calls. He said he broke his phone and was dealing with a son in prison and a sick mother.
I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not, but if he is, that’s a lot to deal with. I felt terrible and realized I had messed things up because of my impatience. I messaged him, and am waiting for a response. I really love him. We were intimate, but I’m afraid I’ve lost him. What do I do? – Concern in Indiana
Dear Anxiety: Sometimes, mature people can react immaturely. Once your insecurities got the better of you, you became a bit stronger. Apologize for it and tell him you didn’t “move on.” But you have to realize that the ball will be in his court, and if you don’t hear from him within a reasonable amount of time, you’ll have to look elsewhere for companionship.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Call Dear Abby on http://www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.