Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months, and we’re great together. We have a mutual friend who is married and in the past he has shown interest in my friend. I asked him not to show me the text messages she sends him. We are concerned for her and her husband, as they are undergoing marriage counseling.
She told my friend that this means she wants to have a private, secret relationship with him via text and it’s troubling. He tries to be supportive of her, as they have been friends for two years. What do you think? – Feeling anxious in Minnesota
Dear Feeling Anxious: Your friend is kind-hearted, but he should not agree to a secret relationship with his friend’s wife. (I’m assuming he’s a friend of both of them.) Since you asked, I think you and your friend should tell the woman together that neither of you think what she’s suggesting is a healthy idea for any of the four of you.
Dear Abby: My brother and his family have been estranged from me for 30 years (by his ex-wife’s choice). He didn’t speak to our mother for 10 years after she came to live with me. Four years ago, I reached out to his middle daughter, and we became close. She was the only member of that family to attend her grandmother’s funeral.
My niece was recently murdered by her husband, who then died by suicide. No one contacted me about it. I’ve been agonizing over whether to attend the funeral (if I can figure out when and where), and what to say if I do. What do you advise? – Cut in Washington
Dear cut off: What a tragedy! I’m sorry for your loss, but please remember that funerals are for the living. If you know your presence will be annoying or distracting, pay respects to your niece in private, either before the ceremony or after her burial.
Dear Abby: I gave $600 to my nephew’s wife to buy a self-propelled lawnmower because they were borrowing from their neighbors. She gave me her word and promised to use it to buy the lawn mower. She also promised to take a photo of it and email it as proof.
Well, you spent the money and never bought the mower. Then I asked my nephew to cover it, and he made excuse after excuse as to why he hadn’t bought it “yet.” Since they have run out of excuses, they now avoid the topic and start avoiding talking at all.
Should I tell them something or leave it? It’s not the money, it’s the lying, covering up for me and treating me like I’m stupid that bothers me. – Generous in Maine
Dear dear: If you want to maintain the relationship with your nephew and his wife, leave the topic. However, now that I knew they were not being honest, he decided not to give them any more money.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.