Did no one at The FA think to flag how much Thomas Tuchel’s head resembles a certain vegetable? A bad omen if ever there was.
However, with the inquest in full swing, I feel it’s important not to rest the blame solely at the feet of the German while others choose to set pitchforks alight. England came into the tournament with some of the purest quarter-final vibes I can ever recall, but were handed a winnable game in the last eight which they won, after extra-time.
The semis felt like nosebleed territory for this team and a final would have certainly been a game too far and not nearly as close as the Euro 2024 final turned out to be.
Hard to get excited about England in 2026
In seven games at World Cup 2026, we saw two good halves of football from England: The second vs Croatia and the first vs Mexico. Apart from that, it was hard to get excited about this team.
The main difference between Tuchel and Gareth Southgate seemed to be their approach to media interviews. Southgate, the politician, Tuchel, the irritable stepfather.
“Sloppy, a lot of technical mistakes, not fast enough, not repetitive enough,” was his assessment of England’s victory vs Norway. Hard to imagine Southgate even thinking in that manner, never mind saying it out loud on live television, but such is Tuchel’s style. You presume that was the thinking behind his hiring. To not be Southgate. To be different.
Where Porro, Cucurella, Ruiz and Rodri tik and tak, England’s equivalents swash and buckle
Tuchel’s point on technical deficiencies is as valid as it is concerning, particularly in midfield. Where Porro, Cucurella, Ruiz and Rodri tik and tak, England’s equivalents swash and buckle. That’s not the fault of Tuchel, who took over at the top of English football two years ago. That issue lies a couple of decades back, when Tuchel was coaching Stuttgart’s U19s, having been working as a bartender just a few years before that.
Tuchel arrived as England manager ready to issue the b*llockings he had become famous and successful for. It raised eyebrows, it demanded egos be left at the door.
At one stage, Jude Bellingham looked like he might be left at home. Trent Alexander-Arnold was. Tuchel was bold with his handling of personnel, and the hope was that he would follow suit tactically.
He largely did until 70 minutes into England’s semi-final vs Argentina. After Anthony Gordon scored England’s first and only chance of the game, England and Tuchel entered sliding doors territory.
At this stage, it would’ve been worse not to score a second than to concede a first. Against Mexico, England were forced into low block mode by Jarell Quansah’s sending off. But vs Argentina, it was a choice. Ezri Konsa came on for Anthony Gordon, a move straight out of the Southgate playbook. England fans were reacquainted with sinking feelings experienced during second-half capitulations vs Croatia in 2018, and Italy at Wembley in 2021.
England 2.0 would, you think, have introduced Marcus Rashford for Gordon at this stage and maybe even Bukayo Saka on the right wing to increase the sense of dread among Argentina players and supporters. Swapping both wingers is something Tuchel has done consistently during games this tournament.
But Tuchel knows this team better than anyone and knows they aren’t Spain. Has England ever really looked in control of a game apart from in the second half against a distinctly average Croatia team? Against Messi in a World Cup semi-final is an entirely different dimension.
Have you ever had the feeling England could push on and add to a lead? They had 7 touches in the opponent’s box the entire game vs Argentina who had 28 in England’s. Their xG was a paltry 0.53.
They didn’t look like a team that could score again, but as we saw vs Mexico they had proved they are a team that can defend a lead, so Tuchel went with that. You can at least see where he was coming from with a place in the World Cup final at stake.
Ultimately: wrong decision. We will also never know if Rashford/Saka would’ve been the right decision, but after 2018 and 2021 England fans this morning would’ve rather gone out knowing.
Thomas Tuchel shouldn’t be sacked; he should be given the opportunity to learn from this error. If he ever finds himself in this exact situation again (like Southgate was in the Euro 2020 final) he will act differently.