Dear Abby: My wife and I got married for 10 years. Before that, we dated for several years. We have a great relationship in many ways, but we’ve never had the kind of sex life I prefer. For a long time, we’ve been talking about it and trying to find ways to make things better. This communication at least made me feel like this was something we wanted to improve.
Two years ago, my wife had weight-loss surgery. Since then, our sex life has gone from bad to worse. During that time, I can count the number of times we’ve had sex on one hand without using all my fingers. We also no longer talk about how to make things better.
Before surgery, her struggle with her weight was one of the things she cited as a (possible) reason for her low sex drive, so I was hoping things would improve. Instead, she now seems to have lost all interest. I tried to buy her a product that claimed to enhance women’s libido, but she would never open it. It’s as if she’s not interested in sex.
I’m feeling increasingly frustrated with this situation (men want to be wanted too), and I don’t know what to do. Help, please. — Frustrated in Michigan
Dear Frustrated: I’ll be honest. You are not sure if it is possible to save your marriage under these circumstances. Tell your wife that you would like to discuss this problem with her doctor and ask for a referral to an endocrinologist, a doctor who specializes in hormones, who may be able to help her. However, if you refuse, unless you are resigned to living the rest of your life in a sexless marriage, you may have to consider divorce.
Dear Abby: He was a former neighbor and kind casual friend who has helped us out several times since we moved. (We still live about 15 minutes away from her, and don’t have family within a 45-minute drive.) I feel like we need to express our gratitude without making it seem like a push.
My wife and I take a few extended trips each year. This former neighbor has checked on our cats, taken packages and harvested them from our garden to promote healthy growth, etc. And of course, while tending to the garden, she can keep what she has harvested. But I’m starting to feel embarrassed about asking her for help because that’s the only time we call her.
We have dinner with her and her boyfriend at her house, about twice a year, but this is more effort on her part. This has been the pattern for about seven years. Please, I want a suitable gift idea. — An embarrassing gift in New York
Dear Gift: How about taking your ex-neighbor and her boyfriend out for a nice dinner? Or host them for dinner at your home, offer them tickets to a concert or play, or bring them a gift from your travels. I’m sure she and her boyfriend will appreciate this thoughtful gesture.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Call Dear Abby on http://www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.