Dear Abby: My wife recently immigrated to our current residence in the United States from Canada. She has a 23-year-old son who suffers from mental illness in Canada. He refuses to stay in treatment or get a steady job, and has failed to graduate from college.
My wife constantly lowers her expectations and continues to support him. As a result, he becomes comfortable emotionally manipulating everyone in his family while wallowing in self-pity. He is no longer allowed in our home due to his violent and disrespectful behavior, but he continues to punish his mother for moving on with her life. When will this end? – Moving on in Texas
Dear go ahead: You and your wife sympathize with me. You both need a better way to deal with this sad reality. Her son won’t change, and you can’t ignore him and pretend it’ll go away. Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can be an important source of support. The organization I mentioned before in my column may point you in the right direction. It’s the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Find out more by visiting nami.org.
Dear Abby: I have a friend who comes to visit me at my country house. She is addicted to alcohol. My husband and I don’t drink. The last time, she got so drunk that she was completely disoriented in my house. She could not find the bathroom or bedroom. (We put her to bed.)
After she came home the next day, I cooked for a week and I finally sent her a letter saying we could no longer have her, citing fear that she would hurt herself or others driving here and might fall down the stairs, leading to a lawsuit.
I begged her for help, and texted her son to ask if he could help her. Now, you have become the enemy! I’ve dealt with her for many years and diluted the alcohol every time she visited. Should we? Overdose in Wyoming
Dear Overdose: Yes, it should end, assuming she’s not finished with you already. Your friend is addicted; She will not change until she finds it absolutely necessary. You have spoken the truth. Don’t apologize for doing the right thing.
Dear Abby: Three years ago, I lost my husband of 38 years to cancer. We have lived in Southern California all our lives and enjoyed sightseeing and driving up and down the coast a lot. A year ago, I met Allen, and I’m now engaged to him. I miss all my beautiful coastal trips and the places I used to go with my late husband. Is it wrong for me to do these things with my new love? My older kids look at me funny when I say I went somewhere with Alan that I was visiting with their father. – Missing more than a man
Dear missing person: Ignore the children. I don’t think this is a question of right or wrong as long as Allen enjoys these trips down memory lane as much as you do. However, it might also be a good idea for you and Allen to plan some new adventures so you can create new memories together.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Call Dear Abby on http://www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.