Some people are fans of the Washington Commanders. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Washington Commanders. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.
Your team: Washington Comma—OH GOD NO NOT AGAIN
There goes his golf swing.
Your 2025 record: 5-12, including a 3-2 start that ultimately meant nothing. QB Jayden Daniels, seen above showing off his newfound double-jointedness, was hurt not once, not twice, not thrice, but QUICE last season! It’s RG3 all over again, this time played at 1.2x speed.
But we’ll address that ongoing tragedy a bit lower down, for there were other ritualistic humiliations in 2025 that I must cover first. Lucky you.
After a surprise run to the NFC title game in 2024, the Commanders loaded up on old guys the following offseason, in hopes of getting one round further. In fact, no team fielded an older roster last season, and that’s not just because Von Miller was on hand to fuck with the average. Perhaps not coincidentally, the 2025 Commanders also fielded the worst yardage defense in the entire league. A great many losses, both games and bodies, predictably resulted. RB Austin Ekeler tore up his Achilles in a loss to Green Bay. TE Zach Ertz—still in the league, if you can believe it!—tore his ACL. As did CB Marshon Lattimore. You don’t take that many blows without falling. America, this team fell down real, real hard.
Here now is an anatomy of that fall. In Washington’s loss to Atlanta, Bijan Robinson racked up 181 total yards on the Commanders while Michael Penix Jr., who makes Daniels look like Wolverine, posted 300-plus yards of his own. The Commanders also gave up a game-winning field goal to the Bears as time ran out. Call it revenge for the Hail Mary. When the Bears have a karmic edge on you, you must have sold puppies as sex slaves.
Because that loss kicked off an eight-game skid that buried the Commanders for good. Daniels tweaked a hammy while getting crushed by Dallas. Two weeks later in Seattle, the People’s Elbow snapped. Seattle was leading 38-7 in the fourth quarter when Daniels suffered that dislocation. Head coach Dan Quinn, why’d you keep the franchise QB in the game so late?
“I’ve been thinking about it nonstop too and, man, I missed it,” Quinn told reporters on Monday. “That is 100% on me.”
Maybe next time you try thinking about such outcomes BEFORE making a decision, instead of in the grisly aftermath. Anyway, Washington fans ended up getting a whole lot of Marcus Mariota in their lives, and not a lot of defense, as the Commanders played out the string. Jahmyr Gibbs put up 142 yards on just 15 carries when Detroit buried them. A week later, in Madrid, Mariota threw this truly awful pick at the start of overtime to doom them against Miami. The week after that, Quinn called for a two-point attempt in OT to win the game against Denver, only for Broncos All-Pro LB Nik Bonitto to knock the pass attempt down. And what a pass attempt! No better play call in a tight moment than “have the QB sprint 10 yards backward and then blindly huck it from the logo.”
Now, you remember how Quinn said he’d been thinking nonstop about getting Daniels hurt? The thinking did indeed stop not long thereafter, because he chose to start Daniels in Minnesota the second Daniels was cleared to play. At 3-9. After Daniels had suffered an injury that made TV viewers want to puke. And guess what happened?! Daniels got hurt again, this time while chasing down a pick-six he threw. The Vikings won that game, 31-0. J.J. McCarthy threw three TDs in that game—that’s how checked out the Commanders were. About the only effort these guys put up in the final month of the season is when they decided to get snippy with the Eagles for daring to score a lot of points against them. Pathetic.
This waste of a campaign ended up costing defensive coordinator Joe Whitt his job at midseason, and offensive coordinator Kliff Kingsbury his job after it. But guess who DIDN’T get tossed overboard in the aftermath?
Your coach: [turning my hat backward, putting my hands on my knees, focusing intensely]
You Washington fans got a speedrun through the full Dan Quinn experience these past two years: the terrifying lows, the extremely temporary highs, and the soul-deadening middles. If it makes you feel better (it won’t), Quinn poached assistant coach Daronte Jones from the Vikings this offseason to Flores-ify the defense by 20 percent, then promoted immortal Guy, David “Mister” Blough, to run the offense. Jones will likely have his best game-plan elements neutered by the bossman. Meanwhile, Blough has never been an OC before and has never called plays before. Seems like a risky hire when your best player is soft as a grape.
Your quarterback: Jayden Daniels, which means your quarterback is Marcus Mariota. Again. Don’t get any bigger ideas.
What’s new that sucks: Another offseason, another wild spending spree to take advantage of what scant time Daniels has left on this Earth. Gone are the aged Deebo Samuel, Marshon Lattimore, Miller, Ekeler, and surprise cut Tyler Biadasz. To give themselves a pass rush that was nonexistent a year ago, Washington handed out contracts to former Chargers pass rusher Odafe Oweh, along with lesser edges Charles Omenihu and K’Lavon Chaisson. To fix the worst secondary in football, they added corners Amik Robertson, Ahkello Witherspoon, and whatever’s left of Rasul Douglas. To top it off, they signed former Colts S Nick Cross and former Chiefs LB Leo Chenal, and then drafted Ohio State all-everything LB Sonny Styles in first round in April. Not too shabby. In theory. Last year’s defense looked nice on paper, too.
Over on offense, the biggest addition is former Titans TE Chigoziem Okonkwo. Impressed? No? Well, what if I told you that WR Dyami Brown is back and Van Jefferson is also here? Still nothing? Yeah, that’s fair. WR Terry McLaurin is basically the only real threat this offense has, which means that the Commanders don’t have the standing to act like they’re too good for Brandon Aiyuk. You ain’t the Greatest Show On Turf, guys. You need some receivers.
To the backfield: despite the presence of Jacory Croskey-Merritt (Did you know he goes by Bill?! CRAZY!) at RB, Daniels remains the best rushing threat this team has, and by a significant margin. In order to buy into this insta-rebuild from GM Adam Peters, you have to make a few hefty assumptions:
One: That Daniels will stay healthy
Two: That the 2024 playoff run wasn’t a happy fluke
I do not gamble, nor should you. But if you and I were hopeless degenerates, would either of us put real money on either of those assumptions? Even Brendan Sorsby isn’t that reckless. But Peters and Quinn think that all they need to bring a title back to D.C. is to pretend that last season never happened. Join us in the winter, when owner Josh Harris pretends that neither of these men ever worked here.
Speaking of Harris…
What has always sucked: Show ’em the pic:
Josh Harris’s grace period is now over. Three years into his stewardship, he doesn’t get to bask in glory of not being Dan Snyder. Instead, he’s now just another smug asshole who’s willing to break bread with Jeffrey Epstein, and to cozy up to President Extortion in public for all to see. Someone check Harris’s feet to see if he’s rocking Florsheims that are two sizes too big.
Anyway, Harris’s toadying paid off (for him, not you, never for you), because he just got himself a brand-new stadium in the District. And guess who’s paying for it?
Per the agreement, the District will provide more than a billion dollars in direct funding for construction and infrastructure… The deal exempts the Commanders from property taxes on the stadium and the surrounding development; it exempts the Commanders from sales taxes on personal seat licenses; it gives the Commanders the exclusive right to develop housing and retail around the stadium, at the low price of $1 per year; and it gives the Commanders rent-free use of 24 acres of city-controlled land for a period of 26 years.
What a bargain! Gonna be such a heartwarming moment when Jayden Daniels first rolls his wheelchair out onto that new field. Trump would like the Commanders to name their new palace after him, and why wouldn’t Harris agree to it? He’s already so tight with President Leaning Forward that the Trump admin recently asked the Commanders to run the historic public golf course in D.C. that Trump plans on desecrating. This city, Reflecting Pool and all, is being pillaged in front of the nation’s eyes. So yeah, go ahead and name the stadium after Trump, then go ahead and change the team name to The Washington Even Darker R**skins. It’ll fit right in with the new, 100-percent particle-board White House ballroom; the Arc de Faileure gracing the National Mall, and the Barron Trump Kennedy Center Of Donald Trump, A Subsidiary Of Trumpbase Crypto Exchange. Only the owner has changed in Washington. Nothing else has.
What might not suck: Sonny Styles will become just as venerated as Sean Taylor was. This assumes that he will die tragically young. But hey, won’t we all.
HEAR IT FROM COMMANDERS FANS!
Woody:
I can’t believe I fell for it again.
Canaan:
I made a personal vow not to pay attention to team until Snyder was gone and lo and behold it happened! Yet I still feel nothing.
Eric:
Somehow, in a division with Jeffrey Lurie, John Mara, and Jerry freaking Jones… Josh Harris is the majority owner that ends up mentioned in the Epstein files?
Bill:
Actually I no longer care enough to write. Had a longer draft, but I deleted it. Maybe I’ll follow the Falcons, just for kicks.
Jeremy:
Last year I pointed out that the Washington WR room was McLaurin and three folding chairs, and I’m pleased to report that after a masterful offseason, the WR room now consists of McLaurin and *four* folding chairs.
Jayden played seven games and injured his knee, hamstring and elbow, which is a pretty efficient way to speedrun comparisons to Subway Bob/RG4. Dan Quinn responded to 5-12 by firing both coordinators and promoting David Blough, who is 30 and has been coaching for 20 minutes. Maybe he’s talented? Maybe he’s brilliant? Who knows! The important thing is that he was already in the building, which apparently counted as a national search. Adam Peters then replaced half the roster in free agency, which is encouraging until you remember he assembled the roster that’s being replaced.
To help our bantamweight franchise QB, they drafted a receiver in the third round and brought back Dyami Brown! With the current state of the depth chart, both Brandon Aiyuks will be starting by Week 10, assuming they’re still on speaking terms.
Meanwhile, Philadelphia traded A.J. Brown and somehow still looks competently managed. Dallas acquired Rashan Gary, signed Jalen Thompson and drafted two first-round defenders, and the Giants hired John Harbaugh and imported half of Baltimore. Even the Giants, the fucking Giants, have adult supervision now.
Fuck Dan Snyder with a gigawatt data center, and fuck me, because Jayden will hit Terry for 40 yards in the preseason and I will refinance my soul at 6.3 percent to believe again.
Nic:
At the rate things are going, all the housing that’s supposed to be built alongside the stadium will probably end up going to all the National Guard still wandering around the city, picking up trash and being useless. Honestly, they’ll be the only ones who can even afford it since Trump is giving them a $4,055 per month housing stipend, double the average DC rent.
Bernie:
I write to you today because time is a flat circle and the 2025 Washington Commanders are living proof of that. Here’s the pattern: we suck for five years, we have a halfway decent season where we win a playoff game, we add a shit ton of over the hill free agents to our core, we spend the offseason going “wow the Commanders, they added ______, now they’re gonna really be something”, then we suck again for the next five seasons. Rinse. Repeat.
After year one of Jayden Daniels it looked like we snagged the best QB in the loaded QB draft of all drafts, but as it turns out he is exactly as injury prone as he looks and now every other QB is in the process of surpassing him (except for JJ Mccarthy, suck it Drew). We spent the previous offseason giving him nothing but weapons and he managed to get worse. I give it two years before everyone hates him. He is real life Bo Callahan and no one at ASU went to his birthday party. If only Sonny Weaver Jr was our GM.
Watching the team somehow make it to the 2025 NFC title game was a fever dream and the 5-12 season that followed was who we actually are. This is the real us, without the meds! Signing a way too old Von Miller is the franchise I know and loathe. Is it too late to add Deion Sanders to this defense? Asking for a friend.
And hey, how fun was that getting into a massive contract dispute with our only offensive stalwart of the past five years, so that he would have no timing or chemistry with the offense for the first four weeks before he got injured? No need to start fast when you know you’re not gonna finish fast either.
I loved this team passionately when I was growing up, I withstood every scandal until they held all the cheerleaders passports hostage in Costa Rica. I drew the line then and there (hot take: don’t kidnap people) and swore off of them until 2024 when my sister, who does not give a shit about football, begged me to join the bandwagon so we could root for that playoff run together. I must admit it was very fun and honestly nice to connect with her. I’m looking forward to the bonding she and I will have again during our next playoff run in 2036.
Todd:
It’s been six years, and there’s still a significant portion of the fan base that loudly calls for the return of the slur name.
Rob:
Alex Ovechkin is back for another season, why would anyone watch the Commanders?
Elizabeth:
When I came out as transgender, my grandfather—a lifelong Commanders fan and former season ticket holder at RFK—reacted exactly as you’d expect from an old evangelical Christian. Over the past few years, we have gradually reopened contact with each other. What brought us together? Bitching about how embarrassing it is to be a fan of this team. Yes, the regression of last season was such a disaster it helped bridge the divide between a transgender woman and her ultra-conservative evangelical grandfather.
I hope we all enjoyed those two playoff wins, because I’ll be having grandkids of my own by the time we get another one. Our only hope is that we get lucky and Janeese Lewis George will do for the Commanders what Zohran did for the Knicks, or that Nick Sirianni gets even more into Chat-GPT.
Commanders is still a stupid fucking name.
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