Dear Abby: I suffer from a nervous disorder and I can no longer keep up with my friends (who were my friends). I don’t explain the problems I have and why I can’t do the things I used to do unless they ask. I still drive, but I find it difficult to walk. I have a wonderful husband who helps me all the time. I’m lucky that I can do what I do, but I’m very limited.
I don’t know how to explain it to people who look at me like I’m making it up. Abby, I have neuropathy and have had seven back surgeries. I have inflammation in all my joints. I live in constant pain, but it doesn’t “feel” like it does. How do I explain my disability? I’m tired of staying home and not receiving phone calls anymore. How do I tell them there are still things I am He can He does? – Down but not out in Rhode Island
Dear Bottom: By not discussing your problem, you have contributed to the isolation you feel. Not every disability is obvious. Your friends may think that you are avoiding them because you do not want to be with them.
You don’t have to make any “big announcements,” but you should talk openly with your close friends about the challenges you’re facing. True friends will make an effort to accommodate you if you tell them you need them in your life. Once you start talking, the word will spread. Trust me on that.
Dear Abby: My niece married her second husband two months ago. Instead of gifts, they asked for money to use toward a future home. Instead of adding to the Money Tree, I gave her an envelope containing money and a card, so she could store it before the party. I have not received any confirmation of the gift.
Our family was recently together to celebrate a birthday, and the gift had yet to be mentioned. I can overlook the lack of a thank you note that includes verbal acknowledgment, text, or any type of communication that she appreciates the gift. Should I mention this to her father (my brother) or another aunt close to her? She has also invited everyone on that side of the family to her house (in another city) but has not invited my husband and me yet. I’m really disappointed in her actions, or lack thereof. Am I too sensitive? – A disgruntled aunt in Texas
My dear aunt: Don’t be so sensitive. Your niece’s lack of morals is hurtful and disappointing. If she can’t take the time to write you a note, she should remember to thank you for your gift when she sees you at your birthday celebration.
The fact that you and your husband are excluded from the family gathering makes me wonder what else might be going on with her. Instead of “gossiping” with her father, I don’t think you would be beyond discreetly discussing the matter with the aunt she feels close to and asks for some knowledge.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Call Dear Abby on http://www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.